The Caregiving Trap: Solutions for Life's Unexpected Changes, by Pamela D. Wilson
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The Caregiving Trap: Solutions for Life's Unexpected Changes, by Pamela D. Wilson
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The Caregiving Trap combines the authentic life and professional experience of Pamela D. Wilson, who provides recommendations for overwhelmed and frustrated caregivers who themselves may one day need care. The Caregiving Trap includes stories about Pamela's actual personal and professional experience along with end of chapter exercises to support caregivers. Common caregiving issues include:
- A sense of duty and obligation to provide care that damages family relationships
- Emotional and financial challenges resulting in denial of care needs
- Ignorance of predictive events that result in situations of crises or harm
- Delayed decision making and lack of planning resulting in limited choices
- Minimum standards of care supporting the need for advocacy
The Caregiving Trap: Solutions for Life's Unexpected Changes, by Pamela D. Wilson - Amazon Sales Rank: #1720517 in Books
- Published on: 2015-10-06
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: .70" h x 6.00" w x 9.00" l, 1.02 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 300 pages
The Caregiving Trap: Solutions for Life's Unexpected Changes, by Pamela D. Wilson Review A very objective, informative and heart-warming guide for adult children who find themselves caring for aging parent, many think, simply because they are the daughter or son, they know what is best for their parent and then feel guilty because they are overwhelmed by the task. Too often I have heard, “I think we made a mistake in our decision.” Reading the experiences of this author will give confidence to the reader that the solutions offered are not only professional and objective, but equally as important, they are from the heart. --- Astrid Tertel, caregiver
Today is the time to make connections with our parents before time passes. Time also for the conversation of care, years before care is needed.” Pamela Wilson asks the reader to appreciate the fragility of life by valuing our relationships, and to take a proactive stance by realizing that how we live now will shape the future as we age. She offers a toolbox of strategies to help the caregiver move forward with foresight, knowledge, and skills to plan for the future. ---Tina Wells, MA, Alzheimer’s Association Colorado
Pamela Wilson has provided us with an information-rich, enormously detailed and practical, very deeply personal, and even fearless exploration and understanding of the all-too-often simply overwhelming care-giving process. It will be a book---like her practice phone number---that I keep within close reach in my own office, and imagine sharing with patients and their families for years to come. ---Jay Schneiders, PhD., ABPP, Clinical Neuropsychologist & Health Psychologist
There is a phrase from Pamela Wilson’s new book "The Caregiving Trap" that says it all: “Logic is absent from many caregiving situations as emotions take over the driver’s seat.” Being a nurse who has been a caregiver for over 40 years, I wish I had found Pamela’s book much earlier in my life. Caring for elders is a special skill. Over the last 15 years while caring for my own aging parents, I have encountered absolutely wonderful, patient souls who clearly have a gift with this population. But the trick for the rest of us is to listen to these knowledgeable folks. Pamela is an expert who has provided heartfelt, concrete advice to guide others through this challenging process. ---Patricia A. Herlily, Ph.D., R.N., Rocky Mountain Research
No one is more experienced or knowledgeable in helping caregivers and care recipients than Pamela Wilson. Pamela is an educator and a professional caregiver. She knows what works and her advice is more than theory, it has been tested in practical application. ---John J. Horan, CMSP/CFSP, Horan & McConaty
This book is a must read not only for any health professional interacting with the elderly and disabled individuals but also for any adult who could possibly find themselves in a care giving situation or the recipient of caregiving now or in the future. Pamela’s personal and professional experience, along with extensive research, offers a compassionate, perceptive and detailed resource. Familiar scenarios, probing questions, and realistic options are presented, all with the end goal of better quality of life for both the recipient of care and the caregiver. ---Linda Warwick, RN Hospice and Alternative Therapy Practitioner
About the Author Pamela D. Wilson CSA, MS, BS/BA,CG an expert in the field of caregiving has personally helped thousands of family and professional caregivers since 2000 in her career as an advocate, a care navigator and a caregiving educator. Pamela's career experience has a professional and personal foundation with the loss of both parents, a sister and a brother before the age of forty. Pamela produced and hosted a weekly radio program, The Caring Generation, from 2009-2011 on 630 KHOW-AM Radio in Denver and this program is the foundation for her book and the educational website in her name. Find out more at: pameladwilson.com
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. The brown cardboard box sat atop the bed in the vacant room. Sunshine streamed from the window directly above the bed onto a few thirsty plants perched on the narrow windowsill. Inside the box was an oval plastic coin purse I imagined was purchased years earlier at what my parents affectionately called a dime store. Dark green in color and made of soft plastic, the coin purse had a slit down the middle that opened like a mouth when thumb and index finger squeezed both ends. Inside the coin purse I discovered a silver dollar---imprinted with AA---a date and embellished with colored jewels glued in a circle representing the number of years sober. I later learned that being given this coin is a tradition of twelve-step groups.
In the box were the front pages of greeting cards with pictures of flowers, wheat fields, and open prairies; the other half that would have contained a greeting or signature was cut off in a jagged path by sharp scissors. Hidden inside the bottom of the box, were a wrinkled handkerchief embroidered with the initials SH and a pink crystal rosary. Absent from the box was a ring of purely sentimental value that was on her hand the last time I saw her, but not with her at the time the funeral home staff arrived to pick up her body. The missing ring was never found. An employee of the nursing home likely slipped the ring off her finger just prior to or after her death. These few belongings were all that remained of Sarah’s life, and I was the only interested party available to collect them.
Sarah’s death struck me as significant and melancholy. Sarah lived to the age of eighty-seven. There was no one except me to mourn her passing or to shed a tear, no one except me to know or care where Sarah was buried or to visit her burial place to acknowledge the life she had lived. Cemeteries are filled with stones bearing the names of people who no one visits. My clients tell me that their greatest fear is not dying but the fear of dying alone. It disturbed me that Sarah’s presence on earth was memorialized by material belongings in a solitary cardboard box that now belonged to me. I wanted to believe that life---that all of our lives---offer some legacy to a world that we may no longer inhabit.
Holding the cardboard box of belongings gave me a better understanding of the isolation that many individuals experience in the latter years of life. While many of us take for granted frequent emails or phone calls from friends or the ease of going shopping or joining groups of friends, for many older adults advancing age and poor health prohibit participation in these activities. “People with stronger social relationships have a fifty percent increased likelihood of survival than those with weaker social relationships.” Having friends and participating in social activities has a positive impact on quality of life. Older adults become isolated due to loss of friends or family, limited physical mobility, and reduced income that restricts participation in activities like going out for dinner with a friend or joining an interest group. Social isolation and loneliness negatively impact quality of life in many ways that include poorer health, increased medical expenses and moving to a community of care much earlier than expected.
Today, families are spread across great distances. When older family members age and become isolated, family is many times unaware or uninvolved of daily struggles or health challenges. I know this to be personally true. This past holiday season I learned of the passing of an uncle who lived at a distance. Because contact with my uncle and aunt consisted of written cards and visits every several years I had no idea my uncle’s health had declined and would have not known of his passing if his niece had failed to respond to my holiday card. As a result of receiving a note in the mail, I had a wonderful telephone conversation sharing memories of my uncle with his niece, who knew of me but whom I had never met in person.
Sometimes it takes great loss before we are fully able to understand the value of human connection. Life passes with time and we age. Remaining connected to family is important even if contact is by email or phone. If you doubt the human desire for connection, look at the popularity of Facebook and social media and the way these allow connection to those in our present and in our past. We seek to connect even if the connection is through the convenience of a computer and the Internet.
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Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful. Valuable information By Carleen Markivich This book is a valuable tool for those who plan or have not thought about planning on taking care of their parents when they are elderly. I love that this book describes many ways in which to aid the caregiver respite and encourages time away. There are wonderful guidelines on when/what to do with an ailing parent/grandparent. Many family members feel the need to care for their family at home 24/7; however, as mentioned in the book, this can cause strife and resentment between the family member who needs care and the caregiver. This book is a wonderful read for older adults an even young adults. It is never to early to prepare for care for your loved ones. I certainly enjoyed this book and will find use for it later. I would love to see another book regarding young adults caring for ailing parents when they are still in high school as well as further information about parents caring for special needs children. A lot of these concepts would be valuable to these families as well; however, the reader would need to cater to their specific needs and could skip various chapters. I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Helpful read for those with older parents By Stephanie Ostlund I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. As someone who has spent a large amount of time as a caregiver for my grandparents, I found much of what Wilson said to be fairly accurate. There is a great deal to be said about the difficulties involved with caring for family members. I feel as though the saying, “you can’t please everyone all the time” rings very true as a family caregiver. And, as Wilson points out, family caregiving is often a thankless job with ever-increasing responsibilities. With that said, I agree that there are benefits to having a care navigator, but it isn’t realistic for every family. In the case of one of my grandmothers, money was very tight and she was estranged from most of her family. Luckily, we had the important “what if” conversations regarding her end of life care before they were necessary so I knew what she wanted. I feel as though her wishes were upheld. However, I can see the benefits of a care navigator working well for someone who doesn’t have someone to speak on his or her behalf. Much of Wilson’s book focuses on how to hire and have a care navigator advocate for the care recipient in your life. Luckily, the examples provided do help even if you cannot afford to have a care navigator as an advocate. Wilson does bring up and explain how being a caregiver for a family member can grow. What starts off small, like grocery shopping, can quickly escalate to chauffeuring to all appointments, cooking, cleaning and so much more. What would have made this book better would be more information on how to deal with caregiving if hiring a care navigator is not an option. I would recommend this book to anyone who might find themselves in a caregiving situation in the future. It doesn’t necessarily provide an easy way out, but you can learn some coping mechanisms to help with future familial obligations.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Facts, advice, and stories from someone who's been there By BrittyMama I highly recommend this book for anyone who is or could be facing a long term caregiving situation- either of a parent or spouse. Unfortunately, this is not a subject that is thought about by most people until they are deep in the trenches of caregiving. Confronting this sad but real topic in advance could save a lot of time, money and stress down the line. The structure of the book is very helpful and as I see it, the chapters can be broken up into three main categories:1. Facts surrounding caregiving as an industry/practice. This covers the different types of long term care assistance that is available such as assisted living, hiring a part time nurse, or getting in touch with a care navigator and how to advocate for the best outcomes in each of these situations.2. Exercises and prompts to help the reader think through caregiving obstacles they are facing or may face in the future. For example, there is a list of 10 beliefs of caregivers that can lead to disagreements with the one who needs care as well as a list of 10 questions to talk through early on in the caregiving relationship. These were particularly helpful because instead of just identifying a problem, several solutions are offered to work through the challenges.3. Anecdotal stories from the author about her experiences as a caregiver. This brings a personal touch to the book- as opposed to just someone who has studied the subject theoretically. TOverall it is a nice balance of facts, advice, with a few heartwarming stories thrown in for good measure.I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
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