A Tender Struggle: Story of a Marriage, by Krista Bremer
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A Tender Struggle: Story of a Marriage, by Krista Bremer
Ebook PDF A Tender Struggle: Story of a Marriage, by Krista Bremer
“A story about love, marriage, compromise, parenthood and the difference between the life one imagined and reality.”* Fifteen years ago, Krista Bremer, a California-bred feminist, surfer, and aspiring journalist, met Ismail Suayah, sincere, passionate, kind, yet from a very different world. One of eight siblings born in an impoverished fishing village in Libya, Ismail was raised a Muslim--and his faith informed his life. When Krista and Ismail made the decision to become a family, she embarked on a journey she never could have imagined, an accidental jihad: a quest for spiritual and intellectual growth that would open her mind and, more important, her heart. “A bold piece of writing (and thinking) by an incredibly brave woman.” —Elizabeth Gilbert, author of The Signature of All Things “A moving, lyrical memoir.”—Kirkus Reviews “Candid and rich.” —Good Housekeeping “Unrelenting candor and gorgeous prose.” —BookPage “Krista Bremer has a very good story.” —The New York Times Book Review “A beautiful account of [Krista’s] jihad, or struggle, to find peace within herself and within her marriage.” —The Kansas City Star “Lucid, heartfelt, and profoundly humane . . . Navigates the boundaries of religion and politics to arrive at the universal experience of love.” —G. Willow Wilson, author of Alif the Unseen “This is a memoir worth reading.” —*Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
A Tender Struggle: Story of a Marriage, by Krista Bremer- Amazon Sales Rank: #757550 in Books
- Brand: Bremer, Krista
- Published on: 2015-03-31
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.20" h x .90" w x 5.40" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 304 pages
From Booklist After quitting her So-Cal beach-bum lifestyle to attend graduate school, Bremer found herself pregnant and impulsively married Ismail, an older Libyan man. Basing this book on her Pushcart Prize–winning essay, “My Accidental Jihad,” Bremer details her youthful Barbie-doll dreams of marriage and wealth and the sweetness of their newborn daughter and then bolts to the comparative ickiness of Ramadan. Ismail’s breath smells bad, for one thing, and his fasting makes him too tired to help around the house. Further, he doesn’t quite comprehend American celebrations, such as Easter and Christmas. “It was difficult for him to understand holidays untethered from meaning and drifting in an ocean of desire and delight.” A trip to Libya to meet Ismail’s family is nearly all dismal, with Bremer grousing about how uncomfortable she is. There’s no coffee, nowhere to go running, and so on. The book’s title refers not to her falling in love with a Muslim but her “own accidental jihad, forcing me to wrestle with my intolerance and self-absorption.” Readers with similar mind-sets will want to follow Bremer’s “love story.” --Eloise Kinney
From Kirkus Reviews A moving, lyrical memoir about how an American essayist fell in love with a Libyan-born Muslim man and learned to embrace the life she made with him. Sun associate publisher Bremer was a wayward former California surfer girl just starting to build her life in North Carolina when she met Ismail. He was 15 years older than she and different from her in almost every possible way. Yet his gentle simplicity made her feel as though she could “finally exhale…and [open] up to [herself]” in ways she had not been able to with anyone else. When she unexpectedly became pregnant not long after they met, she faced a difficult choice: terminate the pregnancy and continue her pursuit of a promising career in journalism or keep the baby and accept Ismail’s heartfelt offer of marriage. Unable to resist the mysterious allure of the future she “never intended—or even knew how much [she] wanted,” Bremer chose to “stitch [their] mismatched lives together to make a family.” Among the many challenges she encountered was coming to terms with Ismail’s loving but traditionalist family in Tripoli. To them, she was a woman “weighed down by so much individualism, impatience, and desire.” Yet through her visits with them, she also learned to temper the Western individualism she came to realize had been the source of the “creeping despair that comes from doggedly chasing the elusive dream that women can be everything at once.” As she gradually came to accept a different way of living—and eventually, worshipping—in middle-class America, Bremer grew to appreciate Ismail, her extended family and the struggle they brought into her life more than she even imagined possible. A sweet and rewarding journey of a book.
Review
“My Accidental Jihad is a bold piece of writing (and thinking) by an incredibly brave woman.” —Elizabeth Gilbert, author of The Signature of All Things and Eat, Pray, Love “Utterly absorbing . . . A beautiful book.” —Cheryl Strayed, author of Wild “Candid and rich.” —Good Housekeeping “Lucid, heartfelt and profoundly humane, My Accidental Jihad navigates the boundaries of religion and politics to arrive at the universal experience of love.” —G. Willow Wilson, author of Alif the Unseen “A beautiful account of [Bremer’s] jihad, or struggle, to find peace within herself and within her marriage.” —The Kansas City Star “Readers of memoir will welcome this love story about patience and kindness and learning the importance of putting culture first.” —Library Journal “A moving, lyrical memoir . . . A sweet and rewarding journey of a book.” —Kirkus Reviews “Told with rare honesty, My Accidental Jihad is the story of Krista Bremer's lifelong quest for insight and understanding, a search that leads her out of the Pacific surf to journalism school in North Carolina and through the complex challenges and unexpected joys of a cross-cultural marriage and family. This book is a powerfully personal account of the courage and hard work necessary to open one's heart and keep it that way.” —Maggie Shipstead, author of Seating Arrangements “My Accidental Jihad is one of the most captivating and moving memoirs I've read in years. The story Krista Bremer tells--one of radical foreignness between a married couple--could be a metaphor for all committed relationships.” —Haven Kimmel, author of A Girl Named Zippy
“My Accidental Jihad is a bold piece of writing (and thinking) by an incredibly brave woman.” ―Elizabeth Gilbert, author of The Signature of All Things and Eat, Pray, Love“Utterly absorbing . . . A beautiful book.” ―Cheryl Strayed, author of Wild“Candid and rich.” ―Good Housekeeping“Lucid, heartfelt and profoundly humane, My Accidental Jihad navigates the boundaries of religion and politics to arrive at the universal experience of love.” ―G. Willow Wilson, author of Alif the Unseen“A beautiful account of [Bremer’s] jihad, or struggle, to find peace within herself and within her marriage.” ―The Kansas City Star“Readers of memoir will welcome this love story about patience and kindness and learning the importance of putting culture first.” ―Library Journal “A moving, lyrical memoir . . . A sweet and rewarding journey of a book.” ―Kirkus Reviews“Told with rare honesty, My Accidental Jihad is the story of Krista Bremer's lifelong quest for insight and understanding, a search that leads her out of the Pacific surf to journalism school in North Carolina and through the complex challenges and unexpected joys of a cross-cultural marriage and family. This book is a powerfully personal account of the courage and hard work necessary to open one's heart and keep it that way.” ―Maggie Shipstead, author of Seating Arrangements“My Accidental Jihad is one of the most captivating and moving memoirs I've read in years. The story Krista Bremer tells--one of radical foreignness between a married couple--could be a metaphor for all committed relationships.” ―Haven Kimmel, author of A Girl Named Zippy
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Most helpful customer reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful. Beautifully written story of finding yourself through the magnifying glass of a multi-cultural marriage By Janet D I purchased this book because I was inspired to read her heartfelt story about falling in love, building a life, sharing dreams, and raising children with a man from a North African country. I'm married to a Moroccan man who came to America for school and ended up falling in love with me who happens to be southern and very American. There aren't many tales written of how multi-cultural couples end up exploring not only the other culture they married into, but also themselves and ultimately how their children are being raised. This is a coming-into-one's-skin kind of story. Krista Bremer is wonderfully open and honest with herself and how she deals with her frustrations, her challenges, and how she comes full circle to a place of peace and mutual respect. I adored her tales of her visit to Libya with her in-laws and their extended community. Her colorful way of writing puts the reader firmly there, experiencing all of the sights, smells, tastes and bewilderment of finding oneself in a family that you don't share the language of nor the traditions. Krista also paints a peaceful and loving picture of a Muslim family and community. Those glimpses into a world that very few Americans experience are sorely needed today. This is a must-read for all multi-cultural families and those who are connected to them. It's also an enlightening book club read. Lots of topics for passionate discussions!
32 of 39 people found the following review helpful. Author's own "bright illusions of superiority" By Mary Reinert Near the end of this book the author tells of an instance being with a friend who makes what she considers a snide remark about Islam and reminds herself that she too once had a "soothing homogeneity, its bright illusions of superiority.." From my perspective, she still has an illusion of superiority; now however, it's her feeling of heterogeneousness. Although I definitely feel the author loved the man she married, I can't help but sense that it was that "difference" was a lot of the appeal. Even before meeting Ismail, the author relished a non-traditional path: "unshaved legs" and discussions about wearing a tampon on a nude beach. In short, being different from the pack was important and somehow more exhilarating, more interesting, more worthy.The book is definitely well-written and I appreciated the author's clarity, style of writing and wit throughout the book. However, I was disappointed in the subject matter. The daily challenges of marrying someone of a different faith were interesting. The trip to Libya and the meeting of Ismail's family was fascinating. Nevertheless, at times, the book had the tone of a tempest in a teapot; to her credit, she does reflect on her own self-absorption.Finally, I'm not sure I completely understand the title. As a westerner (she never calls herself Christian so not sure) living with a Muslim, she was forced to come to grips with her own intolerance and self-absorption calling that her "accidental jihad". However, the issues seem to be cultural rather than faith driven. She tells of attending church but nothing is said about her own personal faith and how that conflicts or reinforces her marriage or experiences with Islam. Ismail prays regularly, but I believe there is only one reference that she meditates. Religion is only a cultural difference and theology and belief are only important in that they affect culture. The author at one point is very concerned about the number of prayer rugs in the house; the rugs are more important to her than the act of prayer itself as her husband does remind her. The ending of the book just seems hokey; is swaying at a rock concert a religious experience? Was that to be a conversion experience? In short, although a good read, way less than I had expected.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful. Two different worlds, bound by love. By J. Barton Loved this memoir. It's a quiet testament to two cultures blending, two lovers finding--and appreciating--each other amidst all of the potential differences they bring. You don't have to be marrying someone from a different culture to appreciate this story--even the smallest family of origin creates a culture of its own. This is about finding a place of your own, as a couple--a huge challenge with an even bigger reward. Beautiful writing--some vivid and memorable scenes--highly recommended.
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